i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
