I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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