p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
