My Higher Power is John Stamos
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
