btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
