What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
