Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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