You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
