you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I just gift wrapped bread.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
