I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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