it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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