So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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