I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
