Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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