my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
