dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
