who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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