Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
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