I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
