I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
