we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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