we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
