You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
