when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
