I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Acid is not a monday night drug
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
