As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
