TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Holy shit dude........stairs
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
