I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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