Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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