I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
