you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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