Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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