Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Randomize
