In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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