tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
