The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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