I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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