I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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