I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
