So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
