: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
