Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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