Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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