I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Randomize
