I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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