Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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