dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
