haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
