So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
