I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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