Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
